Why?

So I have to say that one of the questions I've been asking the oncologists is "why?" Not really why me...just why. What caused this to happen? Is it something I did or didn't eat? Being exposed to something? Do I have an under lying problem I didn't know about that caused it? The answer to each is no; it's just something that happens. (One told me I was just unlucky...I refuse to believe that. Despite this, I am blessed.) Well yesterday after being dissatisfied with medical answers, I was hit with a truth I already knew but hadn't sunk in down deep. This cancer was caused by sin. Sin that began back towards the beginning of the world. Sin that brought death into the perfect world God created. Sin that caused things as annoying as thorns but as scary as cancer. The truth is I don't deserve this...I deserve much worse. I deserve eternity separated from God...much scarier than cancer. So my why is found in a little word with lots of power....sin.

The good news is that it doesn't stay that gloomy. God loved me enough to pursue me. The only thing that could defeat our sin was God so He sent His son to take our place and die for us. Great story huh? It gets better! He didn't stay dead; he defeated death. That's what makes my faith and religion different from every other religion. My God is alive! With out that knowledge, I would have no hope. I may have a happy life, but no hope. Although the path before me will be an uphill battle ( I already have had more needles stuck in me this week than I'd normally have in 5 years), I'm ready to fight knowing the one who fights with me has already defeated death. I have a peace that comes from somewhere beyond myself; one that passes all understanding. The great thing about it is that you can have it too! (Please let me know if you would like more information.)

So while I sit and think about the blessings that God has given to me, I think about you. Prayers are being sent up on my behalf greater than I can even imagine. There are probably more people praying for me that I don't know than those that I do know (which are a lot.) That fact is humbling. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. The past few days have been a whirlwind with appointment after appointment. Often more than one in a day...and often with a needle involved. Hopefully the rush will soon be over and the focus will turn to getting better and getting rest.

I had a bone marrow biopsy today. As long as everything looks ok with that, it seems like I only have stage 1 lymphoma. That is a blessing; however, that still means three rounds of chemo and possible radiation. I am a little bummed out about that, but apparently there could be more lymphoma cells floating around that have not made themselves known. Prayers are already being answered. Again  and again, I will say thank you!

Specific prayer request: Most everything is seeming to line up but there is one thing left to plan. That is the schedule with my infertility people. Tomorrow they will check things again and if my body is cooperating, that should be finished in 8-12 days. This has to be done before I can start any chemo treatments. Pray that things go as planed and do not hold anything up.